ME

Statutory Warning!

I have been in a permanently rotten mood since the last week. It’s a record of sorts. I’ve been biting everyone’s heads off, snapping every second, and generally behaving like a cranky old man. Now, this blog is about ME.It’s irrelevant to a great many people and pisses some people off which makes it all the more fun for me. So since we’ve established that, here is an outlet for my crankiness. Enjoy.

I don’t get poetry. I think it’s a convoluted way of saying really simple stuff.

I want the world to end in 2012. Maybe sooner. I think humans are God’s/the higher power’s worst creations. We’re so full of ourselves, we’ve made a giant mess of things and we’re screwing up every single day that we exist.

I like feeling depressed sometimes. It’s better than feeling nothing. Which I also feel a lot of.

I think there’s an ugly bully hiding in me. I’ve been too nice for too long.

My greatest fear is losing face. In every sense.

My terrible lack of ambition doesn’t scare me. That scares me.

I’m a closet violent person. I have enough rage to commit a crime. And my first victim could be anyone.

I don’t care about the world at large. It’s pointless. General knowledge is just a tool to appear more intelligent than the other person in a conversation.

I know I’m not going to be rich and famous. Or poor and infamous.

I see dead people(rather whom i consider to be dead).

I’m kidding.

I detest people who take themselves too seriously.

Injections are probably the worst medical invention ever. Which sadist would think up a device with a big shiny needle to poke through bare flesh to make someone feel better?

You think this post is crap? So do I.

I’m actually quite happy. I just like whining.

I love elevators these days. For those few seconds I’m going up or down I always feel i'm going to get stuck inside the lift.*trust me i have been stuck inside the lift for umpteen times and it has always been a great experience.*

I suck in a crisis situation. Don’t put me as your emergency contact.

I feel better already. Thank you.

A lot of Firsts

Please forgive me for a whole lot of grammatical errors and the poor editing in the following post.

A few days back when many of my friends left fot the States almost all of them had their FB status upadted to "the last of this n that..." which were followed by a similar number of 'firsts'. Though frankly speaking I did 'Like' a few statuses I never understood what they really meant to them until the 29th of July when i got a mail from TCS of my joining in Ahmedabad on 12th august. It was then even I started having my share of lasts(though i still feel this 'first' and 'lasts' is very hyped) loke my last outing with friends, last family dinner, last game of cricket in my building...
Yes, coming back to the title my first 10 days in TCS have been pretty eventful giving me experience a 'first' in some way of the other.
To begin with I am for the first time staying away from parents, staying in a 'dry' state, first time in a hostel.
I was welcomed into TCS by a very boring 'first' induction lecture which went on for almost 2 days. After the induction all I could say was "...and we felt a certain Mr. Ambavade was very boring".
I felt conned by the huge corporate which only talks about ethics and values for the 'first' time -'first' because i m pretty sure there are many to follow- when they told us our traveling expenses will not be reimbursed--A very polite way of saying 'Welcome to the big bad world'.
My first laundering session instilled a sense of achievement inside me. From that day onwards my respect for the kaamwali bai has risen manyfold-never thought they have to do such a difficult job. And God bless the 'washing machine'. Felt the same when I had ironed my shirt for the 'first' time only to realise i had created a hole in the next one- another 'first'.
For the first time in my life I did an entire assignment without copying - a huge 'first' and realized 'Assignments can be fun too'(read Pratap)
I could sense all the TCS HR n ADMIN and FINANCE head shouting on the top of their voice "Bada maza aaya ,c***** banaya" when I was told my first salary would be given to me along with my first one which meant no 'first' salary.
For a guy who spends 8-10 hours surfing the net, one can never understand the what it feels to be on the net after a gap of 10 days. Just as I entered the cyber cafe'dil garden garden ho gaya'.
It is here that i have understood the meaning of the term 'ghar ka khaana'...that to after finding some really delicious (I will now always have second thoughts before using the word delicious)food after alomost a week in Gujra.
Though Mumbai has had huge water problems I never had the experience of being stuck inside the bathroom soaped and with no water...which eventually led me to having my 'first' water bottle bath.
The biggest first would definitely be my stay in a hostel.I might write about it in another post, but will definitely say u'll hear about hostel life from everyone but the experience is altogether different.

All Is Well

She stood there...as pretty as ever..."Hey how are you? Kitne saalon ke baad" Nothing could sound sweeter than her voice. She had changed quite a bit since the last 5 years.Thank God testosterone levels don't show up so easily!

"I'll just be there." he signaled to her. He could see her from across the street. She wore a white kurti and a pair of jeans.

They shook hands. She looked at him and smiled... Her smile could light up a thousand rooms. It was the kind of smile which made him feel everythings fine and if its not, it will be. He totally forgot about the firing that he had received at office and just couldn't think of anything else but her...Her eyes were soft, her hair long...a fringe that came onto her face as she talked made her look more beautiful...She was shy, elegant, girlie, stylish yet simple, classy, beautiful and beautifuler and beautifulest...Ok coming back to the story...She was the kind he dreamt of.He even pinched himself a couple of times to check if this was a dream...It wasnt...A date was fixed.

He had never acted this schoolboyish for any girl.. He got back from worked. Showered. Tried on a few hairstyles and put on a nice deo...Pretty weird for a guy who never even bothered to look himself up in the mirror. He reached the place 10 mins before time and waited for her. As she entered the place he looked at her transfixed (For reason please refer description in paragraph 3!).

They talked...and talked. About life n movies n cricket n career. He was amazed how knowledgeable this girl was...All his beliefs that beauty and brains do not go hand-in-hand were thrown out of the window. He knew no other girl could hold a sensible conversation like her. "She is so intelligent so well read and how can a 'girl' have the same taste of movies as I do." he thought.And the innocence with which she puts up her point, leaves no scope for an argument. He did say some gibberish every now and then and She laughed at all his silly jokes...and it was nice to hear her laugh..which made him do it again and again. She laughed like a 7 yr old would, with all her heart and with innocence brimming over..

He thought about the day when they had last met... He never thought he would meet her again..And He never had the guts to ask her if she would want to meet him...
But tonight he had been good..There werent many occasions when he was awkward.. He carried himself pretty well,he thought...

It was getting late and she had to get home..It had been more than 2 hours, it seemed like a lot less than that though. He now clearly understood Einstein's Theory of Relativity...


"I have to get going.",she said.

"Oh..ok"

"Thanks for everything."

"Thanks...Thank for coming...had a great time", he said..

"Bye!"

Time stood still...

She smiled..

And All was well.......

The Best Things Happen when Least Expected

A person dies, a baby is born, an engagement is announced, a relationship falls apart - all for reasons unknown to mankind. This would drive most people crazy; the fact that good and/or bad things are happening in their life and they essentially have no idea why, nor do they have any control over it. I used to be one of these people...wondering why something shitty just happened then the next day wonder why I got the best news of my life. It's funny how life throws these changes at you without a moments notice.

Someone once said that " The Best Things Happen when Least Expected "

I don't care if that person has one eye or 4 nostrils, But god bless him/her for coming up with that statement. Coz its so fucking true.

You're so bored that you actually take one of the umpteen stupid quizzes available on facebook, JUST so that you have something to do for the next 10 seconds.. and PRECISELY .. at the moment... *boink* ..

Someone you could SO do with chatting...comes online... and you go clicketyclacketyclack...

OHMYGODGODBLESSYOUYOUDONTKNOWHOWBOREDIWASWAZZZUPPP!!


You are travelling in the most crowded train in Mumbai city , where EVERYONE seems to be in the same train as you are .. and there is NOTHING worth listening to on Radio (which is currently taking a call by a nasal pressurized boy who is takling about why he wants to pursue engineering in SP because he is good in physique !)... and *boink* ..

You're favourite song comes on. You can yourself realize how indulgent you become and the entire crowd now seems to have just disappeared.

You are the worst party ever where the DJ is on a mission to induce you with Cholesteatoma.. and EVERYBODY at the party are unknown.. and all you want to do is grab some food and talk to someone.. and *boink* ...

An old lost friend pops out of nowhere...and you run upto him... Okay not run , but walk moderately fast towards him/her , and give him the tightest hug ever.. which makes your friend shout... WHATTHEFUCKISUPWITHYOUMANJUSTWILLYOURELAX ?!?!?!..

And all you're thinking is... Best Things Happen When Least Expected...
They say there is a time for everything. In life, things happen when you least expect them to...and that's the perfect time for them.

LSD -A Review

If the typical bollywood lover wants something new. Go watch Love Sex aur Dhokha. It ain’t anything like you’ve seen before on the desi screen.
Taran Adarsh of Bollywood Hungama reviewed positively saying, “On the whole, LOVE SEX AUR DHOKHA is original, innovative and ground-breaking cinema, which will shock and provoke you. The film is definitely not for the faint-hearted or those who swear by stereotypical fares, but for those who yearn for a change.” and rated it 4 out of 5 stars.
LSD is from the DevD stable of movies. I think that is the best way of putting it. It is cult material.
LSD is fairly hard hitting. Its quite the obvious slap in the face to a generation increasingly high on LSD. OK. Thats not my opinion, but Dibakar Banerjee is definitely holding up a mirror in LSD.
The three central themes of love, sex and dhoka run as parallel threads in all three stories, making the biggest comment on contemporary relationships and values than anything else spoken .The stories wittingly or unwittingly explore the underlying sexual and gender dynamics that govern our relationships making the commentary weightier.
LSD has two heroes. One is the script and the other the technique. While the first is masterful, the second a good effort. It is the story and characters, lines and nuances, acting, setting and a million other little details that absorbs and connects, but that is regular DB fare.
It is a separate chapter in the annals of Hindi cinema, but since it refuses to be bold enough to pitch itself as one so its success as a ‘path-breaking’ film remains limited. LSD is definitely not for the K-Jo or Yashraj lovers, nor for the entertainment lovers But I would dare to say only for those who yearn for intelligent cinema for those few who still believe cinema can influence people for the better. LSD is not only another option to candyfloss cinema it so gleefully derides.
But even if you look carefully there are many aspects where the movie tries to be a typical bollywood film. The very first instance is in the second story where the girl so easily agrees to sleep with her boyfriend with whom she has just had a fight and that too immediately after hearing about the death of her best friend. Also the third story doesn’t sound convincing enough for a sting operation in the name of ‘journalism’. And the song at the end along with the credits just makes me pull my hair off. Overall it tried to ride on the fact that people get a kick from watching someone make out be it on screen or live.

Also for a serious cinema lover who has been following cinema of all sorts LSD has nothing that will not give you a sense of déjà vu. Agreed LSD has pushed up the bar in case of experimenting but it stops just there. It fails to push the envelope in any form, genre, treatment, content etc. It does not show us anything we haven’t seen before in any form. It would be unfair to compare but Anurag Kashyap’s Dev D, was far more ‘path-breaking’ in having achieved these things, even if the film as such was rather tame. Even DB’s very own OLLO was far more intriguing and innovative in showing us worlds we hadn’t been to before while making its tongue and cheek social commentary, even dripping in sarcasm at times. The throwback on the Tarantino-esque non-linearly connected narrative is another case in point to the same. Smart, interesting but that’s it.
On the whole it was a challenge no one had taken on till now. And it had a huge potential to change our dictionary of Hindi film language. HAD. The former deserves applause and immense encouragement. The latter, remains a territory undiscovered yet.

An EYE-PEE-YELL STORY:2050

As Anath Jayasuria prepared to face another ball, several thoughts raced through his mind. After being bought by the Mumbai Indians for an astronomical $25 million in the 2050 Indian Premier League (IPL) auction, he knew he had a reputation to keep up. Should he try a straight- forward Zandu balm Front Foot Drive this time, or should he aim for a Close-up Cover Drive? Or perhaps an ITC Square Cut would be a better idea? He realized he needed to hit an IBM boundary soon. Ever since IBM had announced they would pay Rs 1 lakh per boundary and Rs 5 lakh for a six, he had been trying to run less and hit more. Unfortunately, he hadn't been doing either in this match, because the Begusarai Bandits had some very good bowlers. The next ball,in midst of calculating the most profitable shot he played a Intel Inside Edge onto his Maggi middle stump and trudged off wearily the field along with his rattle snake bat to the accompaniment of boos from the Vodafone Zoozoo stand at the Kellogg's Special K-Cereal stadium in Udipi which were soon replaced by cheers as the new batsman Arjun Tendulkar came in to bat- the first time a father-son were going to play together in the same team in the history of the sport.
Relaxing in the Parle Glucose commentary box, Saurav Ganguly ruminated on the momentous changes in the game that had occurred since the IPL came into being. In 2010, he remembered, the game started to really grow, with huge sums of money being paid for the Pune and Kochi teams. Teams soon started springing up like frogs in the monsoon. And when the Gorakhpur Gorillas won the IPL in 2021, every district town in the country wanted its own side. Only Sachin Tendulkar was the omnipresent man still playing for the Mumbai Indians who had earned the tag of being unconquerable.

The IPL season was extended to six months in the year, then to 12 months and soon, once the villages started having their own sides, you had matches on all 365 days a year, 24 hours a day. All reality shows were aired in the cricket stadia and even a few movies screened there.
Industrialists sold off their old companies and bought IPL teams. Advertisers fought with each other to sponsor matches, stadiums, sixes, fours, shots, balls, wickets and what not. Every patch of the players' clothing, his arm guard, helmet, and pads was covered in advertisements. Durex started a new trend in merchandising with their radium abdomen guards which were selling like hot cakes.

As the money flowed in, players' salaries zoomed. Everybody wanted to be a cricketer. Engineering and medical colleges were deserted and Indian Institutes of Management converted themselves into institutes of cricketing management. Cheerleading became the most famous dance form across the country. Every college started having cheerleading workshops during their cultural festivals in addition to various famous dancers who had themselves started cheerleading academies.

Meanwhile, Finance Minister Lalit Modi mooted a radical proposal in the Lok Sabha for nationalising the Board of Control for Cricket in India, pointing out that its profits would wipe out the government's fiscal deficit. He was also being held responsible for the food crisis in the country, he said, as villagers refused to till their fields and spent their time playing cricket instead.
A law prohibiting the transformation of arable land into cricket pitches was swiftly passed. A resolution to replace Gandhiji's photo on the currency notes with that of Lalit Modi's was also adopted unanimously.

Back in the commentary box, Ganguly did a rapid mental calculation and told his listeners that Ananth was now being paid the equivalent of Rs 10 lakh per run. Twice more than what Manchester United, who owned the Azamgarh Terrorists had offered. A twinge of regret passed through him -- during the IPL season in 2010, he recalled, he had been paid only about Rs 1.8 lakh per run. He needed to make more money, he thought. Maybe he would join Navjot Sidhu in The Great Indian Laughter Challenge and be paid lakhs for laughing. For the rest of the match, he practiced laughing hysterically at each ball.

Saw this quote somewhere…

“Whether you think you can or you can't, either way you are right...”

A thought that might help... you know how is that whether you think you can or you can't, either way its right... it’s simple, that’s how our brain works.
Take for example, when u say “I cannot become richer than Bill Gates in a year! " You think in such a way that it is not possible and hence you are closing off the portion of the brain which says that it is possible. And that’s how people end up in using just less than 1% of their brain... We constantly keep on closing our part of brain saying that things are not possible... Einstein used 4% of his brain and that is considered to be the max used by any person, coming from him, the person who has challenged most of the things that were till then called “IMPOSSIBLE” ...

See, it’s simple... I’m not saying that you can get richer than bill gates in a year. What I’m saying is how is it to work with that context, with that mindset of making it happen. What would be possible for you in that year? Just imagine about what kind of possibilities you will experience if you work with that mindset. Yeah, breakdowns will occur. Breakdowns will occur when you take on extraordinary challenges. As it is so often said 'It is a mistake to aim high and not acheive it but a bigger mistake to aim low and easily acheive the target'. Even if you get some 10000, that's a begining :) Work with the mindset of --it is possible...

Our brain doesn't know the difference between what happened and what we believe in... that is, if u believe in actually becoming richer than bill gates in a year, the brain takes it as the truth and it operates from that paradigm and that’s when you get new possibilities. Example, u have seen someone who is so confused and after going to temple or somewhere they feel that they have got an answer?! Temple doesn’t workout anything. What works is their mindset, their belief that if they go to temple everything will be fine! And that becomes the truth for them and that works for them...

And WHATEVER I HAVE SAID IS MY POINT OF VIEW AND NOT THE TRUTH.

So, What are you taking on focusing on from now?! :)

Take whatever you want, IT WORKS. And do share it with me :)