Advice-who needs some

I am sure nobody enjoys unsolicited advice and unsolicited counseling. I just hate it when people assume you need help and are forever ready with ‘quick-fix’ advice. By ‘people’, I mean those who are just ‘acquaintances’- the hi-bye types, those you ‘dislike’ to the core, and those ‘meddlesome’ types.

“If I were you”, “had I been in this situation”, “I think you should…”, “I suggest…”- all this claptrap is bloody pissing off.
The best and the worst advice usually comes for medical treatment..."U said he is suffering from cancer. Take him to Ramdev Baba he is sure to cure him."When bloody sciece is not able to find a foolproof cure how is some Baba gonna cure someone of cancer.Astonishingly these are the people who will never in their life call up to check if you are doing fine or even say a few words to just pep you up, get you in a good mood. Only shit they can talk is advice.

It’s not annoying if the advice is coming from a good friend, a genuine well wisher, an experienced person, a stranger who really wants to help or genuine people who genuinely care.

Unsolicited opinions are just not welcome- but freelance advisors seem to know it all.

Why can’t people resist the temptation to advice?

I especially avoid those ‘insecure’ people who have somehow convinced themselves into believing the jhoot that they are living life to the fullest. They presume you are unhappy and launch into an unending, sermonish chatter on how you should start to live life to the hilt. This is merely a projection of the speaker’s own feeling of failure and inadequacy.

Kambakht Crass

I should probably keep my mouth shut…but I can’t! I have to sit through a more pathetic film far more worse than the Chandni chowk….. and even more deplorable than the Singh is Kingggg. Deplorable is too kind a word for this disgusting , Racist ,thrashy movie full of crude gags..In one scene some one farts on Amrita Arora’s face and you feel she deserved something worse than this. I don’t care if this film breaks all box –office records –- a lousy film is a lousy film. I mean what comedy are you talking about –Javed Jaffery playing a typical kathiyawad bred gujju who prides in calling himself a suuar. What is the bloody point in shooting films abroad and reflecting the lives of NRIs who have no problem in sleeping around but get into the totally Indian sati-savitri mode when it comes to marrying. Which surgeon goes to work clad in a borderline hooker attire?...Yes but there is one change that Kambahkht Ishq has brought about…thanks to Kareena Kapoor slutty nurses are now passé . People maybe will now look forward to their surgeries…But that is abroad people in India please don’t go to hospitals expecting a Bebo to make things happen . Also doctors in India can feel proud of the fact that in India only surgical instruments are left in the patients’ bodies.
For some reason filmmakers believe an overdose of black rapper music,wall-to-wall bikini bimbettes,toilet humour and abusive dialogues make a film more hip. Filthy lingo sometimes sounds good but when Kareena calls all men ‘bastards’ and is called a bitch throughout the film that is plain crass…Get a life people. And one that takes the cake the narcissistic number ‘Bebo main Bebo’. Aren’t your paychecks enuff that you now need songs written for you. I need to ask these film-makers one question “On what grounds are you calling this film a joint venture of sorts having actors like Sly Stallone and Denise Richards in ‘blink and u’ll miss them’ roles? Sign a Leonardo Dicaprio or a Tom Cruise and then talk.” And one more point I am just curious are we Indians so good at kissing that a peck on the cheek makes Denise Richards say that it was the best kiss of her life and she would look forward to kissing some more Indians(she didn’t even mention Indian actors)…Is a certain Mr. Hashmi listening!!!

O-bum-a

MEN OGLE. It is our fundamental right.But a picture is not necessarily worth a thousand words...As it is said many-a-times "Jo dikhta hai woh hota nahi hai aur jo hota hai wo dikhta nahi hai"
I am totally in awe of President Barack Obama. The camera just caught him at that inopportune moment. These bloody cameramen want to have their pictures have the final word.

(My guess is Obama was just helping her down the stairs. He deserves the benefit of the doubt. Sarkozy doesn't).

French President Nicolas Sarkozy is definitely ogling. (The pervert cannot stop grinning in both the pix).I just dont understand Mr. SarKozy when u've got a wife(or watever she is) like Carla Bruni why do you need to do such things. Atleat once in a while try being chivalrous.

Ek Umbrella Jo Badal De Aapki Duniya

This incident happened just a few days ago. It was supposedly the monsoon season… we were 3 people returning from college…me, he and she (me and he: male – she: female…This explanation is for those people who are grammatically sound and consider 'whatever-other-than-he-and-she' as third person i.e. It…) And it suddenly started raining…Fortunately, I had an umbrella with me…Unfortunately He and She didn't have umbrella…He pretended to sacrifice and I had to accommodate her under my umbrella…Considering the sizeof my umbrella , one more person could easily have fitted in…So far, everything was O.K…And I got a 440-Volts shock (not because of lightning) when she held my right hand with her both hands…I felt embarrassed…Not because I disliked her…But from the fact that this happened in public…I thought each tree standing on the road, each stone lying on the road and every human being walking on the road, are looking at us…At the same time, I knew that she had utmost faith in me as a friend…but Indian public doesn't think the same way as she does…
Here is the comparison of what public might have thought and what was actually happening…

1) People thought that I forgot my friend (i.e. He) when I had a girl to share my umbrella…While I was showering him all the 'blessings' that I had in my vocabulary…for leaving me alone in a tricky situation and having a wicked laugh while running away from us…

2) People thought these 2 are walking a long path towards eternity…While it was about to end once we reached the bus-stop…

3) People thought these 2 are having romantic gupshup…While she was talking about Shitsvilla…more the reason for me to run away from her.
4) People thought these 2 are humming the song "Pyaar hua…ikraar hua hai…"While I was singing "Yeh kahaan aa gaye hum…”
5) People thought that I was folding my jeans to be Raj-kapoor-look-alike…While I was preparing myself to be able to run fast…away from her…

6) People thought that I was holding umbrella to protect her from rains…While I was waiting for heavy wind…so that I could use my umbrella as a parachute…to get myself landed in safer area…(ok this one sucked)

7) People said "Look at this Boy…who is jumping with Joy…" While I was comparing my footwork with that of Indian cricketers against Ajantha Mendis…

8) People thought of us as "Viru-and-basanti" from Sholay…While I was blaming myself for not pretending to be Thakur from Sholay…as it could have saved me from this embarrassment…

When we entered the bus, I kept my umbrella and my bag beside me…and thus forced her to occupy another seat…I called my distant friend from my mobile…and made her to talk to 'He'…Kitna bura hoon main…Some people talk to strangers and write a blog…And here I am, who treated my friend as a stranger and then wrote a blog…
These are the After-effects of this incident…
1) Now I don't use my umbrella to protect myself from rains…but to hide my face from public…
2) I always confirm who is coming with me and whether he or she is carrying an umbrella or not…
3) I am planning to buy a mini-umbrella…which can be attached to my head…No question of accommodating anyone…
4) And I am suffering from Umbrella-Phobia…

Ever wondered how these profs set the question papers? well this is how-
Prof 1:There is no fun in our life!
Prof 2:(disinterested) ya!
Prof 1:Can we do something to make it interesting?
Prof 2:(disinterested)Nope
Prof 1:yes we can! What do you say we set a really difficult paper for sem 6 students? Won’t that be fun?!! I know…we can set the complete paper out of syllabus
Prof 3 overhears the conversation
Prof 3: You know ,setting questions out of the syllabus is not allowed in mumbai university
Prof 1:Who cares??
Prof 3:If you set such a paper you will be thrown out of the University
Prof 1: er..on second thought…maybe that is not so much fun…I know…we can set questions which are least expected by the student fraternity…Or maybe we will twist the easy questions in such a way that they become unsolvable…or/and we could have some critical data missing in the problem so that students waste time racking their brains…are you with me Prof 2?
Prof 2:Ya…Why not give them the toughest question for maximum marks and even make it compulsory.
Prof 1:Well Prof.2 …u are a sadist…are you with me Prof 3?
Prof 3:I dont think thats very smart…Prof 2?
Prof 2: (disinterested)whatever!

Plz suggest a title for this

I have nothing to write.
Have no inspiration lately.

I open blogger wanting to write something and end up staring at the blank screen for hours like a loser...


Loser se yaad aaya, what has gotten into Kolkatta Knight Riders? Suddenly, I have new found respect for Ricky Ponting. How did he manage to win all those matches with an ass for a coach(John Buchanan).

Ass se yaad aaya, what is wrong with Imran Hashmi.. aaj-kal koi movie nahi aa rahi bande ki.. He has done more movies in the last 5 years than what Aamir Khan has done in his two decade old career.

Note that, it was Aamir Khan who held the record for maximum kisses (on screen of course) and he was conviniently replaced by Imran in his debut year.

Debut se yaad aaya, Varun Gandhi made quite a debut in Politics in and as "Pilibhit ka goonda". He went overboard with his anctics, gave communal speeches which made LK Advani and Narendra Modi sound secular. Its almost certain that Pilibhit is voting for Varun this Loksabha elections. Next LS elections we can wait for his next movie - "The return of the goonda".

Goonda se yaad aaya, did you guys know Gulshan grover is the brand ambassador for the apparels chain - "The loot".

I mean, what were the Marketing guys thinking? How could you have someone whos every third line is - "Baaaad maaan" as your brand ambassador. Wouldnt it make more sense to have someone like Ranbir Kapoor or Imran Khan as your brand ambassador if you are selling clothes? The truth is, Gulshan Grover himself doesnt like clothes much, if he did, he wouldnt rip them off the heroine in evey fifth movie. Gulshan Grover selling clothes is like Rishi Kapoor selling annual memberships for Talwalkars gym.

Gym se yaad aaya, dont you think Mayawati should join a gym. Shes getting real big and disfigured, not to mean that she was as figure-y as Madhuri Dixit when she was young, but she really needs a workout. If she reads this blog(which in all probability she does considering my popularity) she is bound to say
"Abbe budbak, main UP ki CM hoon.. Koi nahi aayega mere aur mere khaane ke beach."
"Beach? But ma'am as far as I know there is no sea or beach in UP!"
"Abbe gadhe, there is a beach.. Playground ke beachon beach."

Hehehe... er.. sorry you had to hear a joke that bad. I am a little low on intelligence(I meant today, usually I am okay). But seriously, she needs to workout. Shes turning into the symbol of her party. Arre the symbol of her party is Elephant. Itna bhi nahi jaante (Kya jhakaas knowledge hai na mera Mayawati ke baare mein!).


Elephant se yaad aya, Ramesh Powar just gained a few more pounds. Had I been the owner of Kolkatta Knight Riders, I would buy Powar for 8 crore rupees. I think hes by far the best player in IPL right now. He can single handedly win matches. How? Here goes my strategy. But this strategy works only when KKR bat first.-

Send Powar to open. That McCulluam is an idoit. Gayle-Powar should open. Make Powar run on the pitch. The pitch will crumble under his weight. When we come to bowl we have a minefield of a pitch. Make Powar open the bowling too. On a cracked pitch even Murli Karthik can be fatal, toh Powar ki toh baat hi alag hai. Powar will end up picking up 10 wickets in 4 overs.


Powar se yaad aaya, do you guys remember which bat Sachin Tendulkar used before he started using MRF ka balla? Yes guessed it right! Power!

Sachin used to feature in print ads of Power, he also used to feature in that Action shoes wala comercial - "Joota hai ya light.. joote main hai light!" Do you know who was the girl in that commercial? Socho socho.. shenaz!! Yeah, that Ishq Vishq wali girl.. She played Shahid Kapoor's girlfriend, second girlfriend actually.. The first one was that Parkinsson disease wali girl, whats her name, yeah, Amrita Rao, she shakes her head a lot when she delivers her dialogues, next time, kindly note.


Note se yaad aaya, MBA education is very costly yaar.. Majak-majak mein bahut kharcha hone wala hai. And because of this recession I am not even sure if I will be able to recover the money that I have put in. Now only if I had done some ghootala or something, I would have a lot of black money to splurge...


Black se yaad aaya, Obama (I am so racist) should come up with something to resurrect this recession thingy. He should take our PM's help if necessary, afterall Manmohan singh is by far the best Finance minister we had.

If Obama can have a cup of tea with him, they will definitely come up with some solution. All we need is some Tea, marie biscuits and some baat-cheet...


Baat se yaad aaya, I have to take a bath.. Bahut din ho gaye..


Warnings:
1.Reading this post can cause temporary neuron damage. What? You already read it and are cursing your friend who recommended you this blog? Please dont, your friend's intentions were good, mine werent!
2.This blog takes no responsibility for the low marks scored by students due to the brain damage caused by this post

Learn to play, play to learn

The age old saying ‘All work and no play make jack a dull boy’ hovers around my mind as I head away from the crossroad of life that I was few months back. The heady feeling of finally having a goal in life(actually a short term one) to CRACK THE CAT has finally subsided. Pending assignments , vivas approaching at break-neck speed, projects that need to be completed and also the tests that are thrown to us -the so called MODATs have all bottled up . And the ‘trying –to- be -perfectionist’ that I am just makes me feel I am in deeper shit .

As I sit wid books strewn all over trying to figure out the basic concepts of my subjects I see children playing some game that I just don’t understand…my inner voice asks me…

When was the last time you played with the water in your shower?
When was the last time you threw stone-chips in the lake to see them bounce?
When was the last time you played something that is neither a sport, a video game, nor a board or card game? Say not even a game?

Remember childhood? Yeah? We used to play with our G.I.Joe and our toy car, and for some, the doll and the soft toys. We would pick up a stick while walking and we would play with that. We made stories related to them, put the action figure into the bathtub, and it would start swimming, covering the whole length, ready to fight the enemy on the other side. Our batmans used to travel from one building to another on a manja(dats what I call doing it the Badri way!!!) Our car could speed down the walls, fly in the air. These stories didn't have a name. They couldn't be classified as games.

What made us do that? Why the hell did we play with such things?

Yes, there is a simple answer. We were kids. We weren't old enough to know that it made no sense.

Or are we assuming so?
When school started, we were taught things. Science and Maths and language. School was the way to make us learn and grow - Be someone.
We started to study. Spent a lot of years studying after that.
Then we came to college. College was fun. We would hardly even study.
But by the time we stepped in college, we had stopped learning. For our tenth standard, there was hardly anything new to learn for us. We refreshed our knowledge, applied it to our old concepts and scored very good marks.

Now we turn back to the questions at the top. At that time, we knew absolutely nothing. About animals, things, dreams, enemies, people- nothing. And we wanted to know. We were curious, about everything. 'How was I born?' to 'Where did grandpa go? Why doesn't he ever visit?'.

Now, in present, that we know the facts, we link them to things, and things to things, and so on.
We play games now. Using a set of rules, with the goal to win. All games fall under this same category. We don't play to lose. Doesn't make sense.

Completely agree that we need to come of age. Need to take things in life as and when they come but...What if we started playing a no-game, again?
We could create a new world for ourselves. At the same time, we could apply our learnt facts to this new world, whenever we wanted. Doing this, we could just learn something new. Something that never struck. Same as we did when we were kids.

What do we have to do?
As the caption for Nirmaan 08 went ’Unleash the child within' And don't let the child grow ever. Start with half your age, and work your way down to the toddler you were.

Play with Lego. You could learn design.
Fight with the shower-water like Ishaan does in Taare Zameen Par. You could learn anger management.
Scribble on the paper like a toddler learns to hold a pencil. You could master the art of Calligraphy.